Living, Laughing, Loving...

Living: Tears Made of Gasoline

Lord, 

I’m tired and I’m weary. My mouth is too weak to speak.

I need to rest in You. Open my heart till it bleeds…

Bleeds tears made of gasoline, and set them on fire, 

Until I know without doubt You are the only thing my heart desires. 

Lord, 

I am blind. I am sick. I am covered in disease.

Physically, I run around like a bunch of bees.

Spritually, I should be down on my knees.

Mentally, I am just asking you please. 

Lord, 

Open to my heart to You and no one else,

Let me hear Your voice like the Sunday bells.

Humble my spirit, quiet my mind,

I surrender it all for I know You are kind.

- Anya Frolova (5/21/2012)

Loving: Encouragement

My bellydance troupe recently held our last dance recital at George Fox. For the show, we decided to go all out and show our bellies (which is not something we normally do when performing at Fox). I just got this e-mail from one of my dancer girl’s friend who had sent it to her. It’s very encouraging and … quite a blessing to hear that I can be a blessing to others by sharing my passion with them! 

Here it is:

“Thank you for sharing your dancing last night.  I really enjoyed it and was
so impressed by how comfortable you all felt with your bodies.  The blonde
instructor really impressed me with her confidence and comfort in herself.
Watching her made me feel that she is giving women a gift by teaching that
class—a gift of knowing their inner beauty, which comes out as a presence
and has nothing to do with our false cultural notions of “good figures”..”

Living: Easter Thoughts

I am a leaper. Yet He doesn’t see my spots.

I am an adulterer. Yet He cleanses my dirt.

I am a beggar. Yet He provides all I need.

I am a liar. Yet He knows the truth in my heart.

I am a hypocrite. Yet He shines His light in my life. 

I am foolish. Yet He still gives me His wisdom.

I am reckless. Yet He heals me. 

I am not worthy. Yet He died for my sins, and rose again to keep on loving me. 

Living: Instant Connections

This seems to happen to me pretty often. I meet a person (many times men, young or old) and I feel like I have this instant connection with them. But it’s more than it being not awkward while in a conversation, it’s like I know their heart and I have met them before, when really they are just a stranger to me. I often wonder the reason of our meeting and my mind starts running wild with the possibilities of the possible purpose. 

Why is it that we meet some people and have these instant “yes, we click” moments, while with others it’s a constant battle of awkwardness? And why is it mostly in men that I find these companions? Could it be that I search for a father figure I never had/lost several times? Or maybe it’s just nature? 

Anyway. I normally don’t tell them about these instant connections, unless they mention it first. It’s happened more that a few times that I have met someone and they instantly thought they had known me forever also. 

I wonder what it is that makes us feel so close to some always, and so far away from others always. 

Living: He wants it all…

He wants it all. But I am resisting. 

To lose control, means I’m actually listening.

I want His vision, want His will to be done.

But to let go of my wants could mean my plans to be gone. 

A greater purpose He holds, this I know to be true. 

But fear holds me back, and I don’t have a clue. Why?!

I seem so foolish when I think it through. 

Why don’t I just surrender and have my life renewed?!